Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
