i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize