your parents love me but you hate me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
