my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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