a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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