i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
