Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
