I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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