I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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