I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
