It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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