thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
