I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
