I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
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I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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