she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
