Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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