I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
