East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
