some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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