Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
