hotel room ftw
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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