just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
