so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
