i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
