she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
