You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
