guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
