PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
