also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
