I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
