I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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