Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
