fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
