OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
