just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
