you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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