i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
