Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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