I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
