Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
