we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
