fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
