Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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