He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You need a sexual gate keeper
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
