it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
