i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just sent this text using only my big toe
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
