Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
