OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
