and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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