Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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