Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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