its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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