I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
