That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
