What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
