nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
