Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
