The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize