Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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