She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
