so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
