i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
