so explain again why im purple
no
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
